Focus Your Energy on Something Else
Sometimes I feel like there is no darker place on Earth than inside my head. I have thoughts floating around that revert me back to the past; a place I seldom wish to go. There used to be days when I was too scared to move for fear that the memories of her would will me to make a fatal life decision. All I could think about was how things could have been, and I got so caught up in the why nots? and what ifs? that I completely forgot how to live. I would cry just to feel something inside. I would pick at my arms until they bled to prove that I could hurt more than I already did, and the whole time I contemplated a bigger plan that would end in a dramatic death for me. I wanted her to recognize the pain I felt and come to my aid. I didn’t want to commit suicide for me…but rather I wanted her to feel an ounce of the pain I felt on a regular basis. I never could bring myself to pull the trigger though, even with a gun in my hand and her distant voice on the phone, I knew there had to be more to life than heartache.
If there is one thing that I would urge depressed people to consider is that there is always something else to focus your energy on. If you just take one or two hours a day and put it towards improving something that you are passionate about you may save your own life. You will still have bad days - we all do - but at least you will have that one star that you can look to when all you feel is darkness.
Posted on Mon, August 4, 2014
by Scholarship Essay filed under