Focus Your Energy on Something Else

Sometimes I feel like there is no darker place on Earth than inside my head. I have thoughts floating around that revert me back to the past; a place I seldom wish to go. There used to be days when I was too scared to move for fear that the memories of her would will me to make a fatal life decision. All I could think about was how things could have been, and I got so caught up in the why nots? and what ifs? that I completely forgot how to live. I would cry just to feel something inside. I would pick at my arms until they bled to prove that I could hurt more than I already did, and the whole time I contemplated a bigger plan that would end in a dramatic death for me. I wanted her to recognize the pain I felt and come to my aid. I didn’t want to commit suicide for me…but rather I wanted her to feel an ounce of the pain I felt on a regular basis. I never could bring myself to pull the trigger though, even with a gun in my hand and her distant voice on the phone, I knew there had to be more to life than heartache.

If there is one thing that I would urge depressed people to consider is that there is always something else to focus your energy on. If you just take one or two hours a day and put it towards improving something that you are passionate about you may save your own life. You will still have bad days - we all do - but at least you will have that one star that you can look to when all you feel is darkness.

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